I agree, I looked this up to see if I am being unreasonable in asking to move because of being in pain. My fibromyalgia and degenerative pain go down significantly in warm weather and I feel held hostage in the freezing Northeast in pain every day. I dream of going from a 10 pain to a 2 rated pain in warmer weather. Thinking of leaving a long term relationship who is not interested in moving and helping me to feel more energized again.

AGB, my story is similar to yours. My wife and I are both from Missouri and had our first baby in 2005 and two more kids soon after. We lived within an hour of both of our parents, which was great. Lots of weekend visits, holidays and birthdays. Loved it and I was so lucky to have that, sorry you have not. Over the years she mentioned wanting to move, but we both agreed being close to parents was good and nothing came of it. About seven years back, she took a trip with her sister to Hawaii as a girls’ getaway and to celebrate her sister’s divorce. Like some Hollywood romance, her sister fell in love with a local guy. A few months after the sisters got back, SIL is packing up to move there to be with him (who does that?). My wife brings up the idea of moving again, no mention of Hawaii, and I realize how important this is to her. Without much discussion, I say it’s obvious we should move to Hawaii too, but we both agree only temporarily, maybe 2-3 years. I also have to mention that at this time, I was pretty burnt out and depressed from my job, and our relationship was suffering because of it. So I thought this was a chance to be a supportive husband and get our relationship back on track. I did find a job that I like, but soon after we got here, my wife told me she didn’t want to be married any more and she never wanted to go back home. I was shocked. Surely we could work things out, but no, the relationship continued spiraling down. I was depressed, even when we were having family fun at the beach, missing home and my parents and wanting the kids to grow up there, kicking myself for ever thinking moving here was a good idea. But we still managed as a family for the kids. Fast forward to now, my parents are both gone and I was finally able to afford my own place and move out…we’ll be divorced soon. I want to be here for my kids but still miss home. My kids only know Hawaii now. I’m a big fan of seasons too (love the cozy Christmases!) and not so much of the beach. I mean, it’s fun and relaxing, but I miss home. Anyway, I wasn’t exactly tricked into this, but looking back I’m like why did I ever.

I don’t know what to say for your situation except I get it. I just wonder if you get any relief from sharing your story and reading others? I’m pretty surprised at how I feel a little better right now…I hope things get better for you in time but understand your dilemma.

MY wife is npd and she’s GOING by that illnees to keep us stuck and we made agreement to move back home for health reasons but she doesn’t care

I’m so sorry you’re going through this
Is there someone you can stay with for a little while like take your cat along too? Just to show your husband you mean business?

IF I don’t feed them, they pelt my house with rocks and large limbs, try explaining that to the contractor who comes in to repair the damage!

So that’s my dilemma.

Where did you find near the ocean with low humidity? That would be a great compromise for me and my husband. I love the war that don the ocean and he hates humidity

Annie, you don’t have to move. it’s your life too. How did this end up?

so sad. How are you doing now? four years later? I hope there’s a happy ending here! please share.

My husband and I are from different countries. He is two years younger. I am from country A.

We met in my senior year in country A. We’ve both bonded over the fact that we hated country A and wanted to move back to Asia. But when I got a job in Japan right before graduation, one of my favorite countries, but I turned it down to stay in the small town we were in. I hated the city but grinded through with a toxic company I applied to just to stay with him and wait for him to graduate.

2 years later, I got a contract job in a big tech firm in Country S and didn’t think twice. He couldn’t find a job there so we did long distance between Country S and A. He proposed to me shortly before I moved to Country S.

Since I wasn’t able to extend my contract due to the pandemic and visa issues, he suggested that I move back to country S.. We got married and helped him get permanent residency (aka he can legally work and live permanently in country A). It was rough since I really hated the country due to racism and lack of commonality with people. I didn’t have any close friends and spent most of my time watching TV from Asia. My husband would invite me to outings with his friends, but we didn’t click. I also ended up complaining about the food, lack of safety, and bad public transportation. My negative energy made me depressed and prevented me from making friends. Since we’ve started dating, I’ve been telling my husband that I wanted to move to Asia ASAP and didn’t like country A. But suddenly he decided to look for other jobs in the Country A and accepted one.

Now I’ve finally gotten a permanent job of my dreams in Country S, my favorite country. My work visa and my husband’s dependent visa are approved. But he doesn’t want to leave his high paying job in Country A because he just started it 2 months ago. He also hates Country S and doesn’t recognize my Japan situation as a sacrifice. I feel resentment because he expects me to find him a job in Country S for him.

It’s hard because he’s still very junior in his career and could lose his permanent residency if he stays overseas for too long. Or we would have to pay thousands of dollars for him to fly back and forth each month to maintain “continuous presence” for his permanent residency status. Since we have different passports, it’s really tough to coordinate a country where we can both legally stay in the long term. Unfortunately, Country A is the only option.

I’m wondering if I should just long distance until one of us gives up and moves….or we divorce.

I hear you a out the sun’s radiation and heat, sorry about your Lupus. My daughter suffers from that as well. I am in Washington State on the eastern side. I have been here with my family since high school. My husband from New Jersey went south with his family. During his military career he decided to move to Washington State to escape his parents. His parents in their late 80’s want him close for their end of life. I understand this and agree to visit with him. He has other plans, he wa ts to get away from snow removal and have a longer warm season. He wants to move to Oklahoma near his parents. But he does not want to visit he wants to move there. So I am torn. Go with him or stay. To stay means divorce.

i re-read your response from 4 years ago; What did you decide to do?

i agree with others Dalene. You know the answer. (hint: any husband who gets “upset” because his wife wants to spend time with a grandchild is, well….jealous and ridiculous). Opt for your daughter and her family. He can elect to join you if he wishes to be part of the fun.